Twas the Nightshift Before Christmas by Adam Kay

Author:Adam Kay
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pan Books

Monday, 24 December 2007

Patient HL presents with an episode of post-coital bleeding. Inside, everything looks a bit . . . grazed. There’s clearly a piece of her story missing – perhaps her boyfriend is that big yellow bloke from the Fantastic Four who’s made entirely out of rock.

The actual answer is that, with no condoms available, she and her fella dipped into a Christmas selection box and improvised with a Mars bar wrapper – really embracing the ‘play’ aspect of ‘work, rest and play’. The human desire to fuck seems to override any of our normal checks and balances. It’s why you get people shagging in aeroplane toilets (a coffin that flushes!) or using a pepper mill in lieu of a dildo.

Luckily there’s nothing to sew up for Patient HL and it doesn’t need packing.* I advise her to use less abrasive methods of contraception in future and, until it has totally healed, to take a break. By which I don’t mean she should move on to KitKats.

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